Since that last day of the program, I’ve chopped off another 53 pounds and the part I am most proud of is that I did it on my own, without trainers and without people checking on my food. I have continued losing weight without being on a “diet” or hiring a personal trainer.
I work my ass off, literally, at least five times a week. Bootcamp at the gym, spinning, running–I do it all. In September 2012, I completed my first 20k (12.4 miles). I didn’t think I could do it but I told myself I would, and I did. Exercising went from something I didn’t understand to something I have a good grasp on. I used to hate running and now, I love it. I could never picture myself on a spin bike but it’s one of my favorite workouts to do.
I try not to make food an issue. If I want something, I eat it. Plain and simple. I don’t believe in deprivation. That’s not to say I don’t watch what I eat. I eat tons of vegetables, protein and I try not to eat too many carbohydrates. That means I eat a salad over a sandwich at lunchtime and have a sweet potato instead of a white potato at dinner. That doesn’t mean I don’t dunk mini graham crackers in my coffee every morning though. My diet (as in, my food intake, not a diet) consists of things that are good for my body instead of things that aren’t.
When I started this journey, I thought the hardest part would be the exercising and losing the weight but it turns out that the hardest part is seeing myself. For essentially my whole life, I saw myself as the fat one and I can’t shake that view. Last semester, for the first time in my entire life, I shared clothes with my roommates and they ft. We’re the same size but I can’t see it and I really, truly, can’t. I don’t quite understand why but no matter how much time I spend in the mirror, my mind still sees me as twice my size. It’s something I’m working on–something that when shaken I hope will give me more confidence and finally let me feel good about myself.
I truly believe that my body is my temple. I was relatively healthy when I was overweight and it carried me. It brought me through the hard times, it ached and screamed during workouts but kept me going. My legs ran 12.4 miles at once and continue to run many miles every week. My arms can lift weights, boxes, anything and me, during pushups, mountain climbers and planks. My stomach deserves good food and thanks me for it. My head produces less headaches.
There are still definitely things I want to work on on my body but I am not so concerned with how much weight I lose from now on. I want to work on my abs and my thighs–things that have been severely affected by having so much extra weight for so long. My biggest goal though is to realize who I am and I’m hoping that it will come a lot easier as I get more used to me, now, and farther away from what I used to be.